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Shout-out-loud
shut up and go to the top
5:06 AM
Sunday, September 20, 2009

oh hey!

i'm back. for the moment uh.
since its raya season.

many have been asking,
eh senyap je kau. maner kau menghilang?
haha.
well. i didn't go anywhere.
still in s'pore.
but on the west side.
been staying at grandma home at west coast for the past few weeks.
basically about 85% or more of ramadan.
at first i was busy sleeping day in day out.
nothing much to do.
then for the past 2 weeks, i've been busy making money.
hah.
i didn't really work everyday but on some day.
i'm starting to love my job.
though i have to work under the hot sun or in the heavy rain,
at the end of the day, it's worth it.
and don't be shock if i look kinda dark.
haha.
and one of the reason i wanted to work so much is b'cos of my father.
he's in a very tight budget for raya this year.
all thanks to the economic stuffs and that he's the only one working in the family.
and as the only son in the family that will carry his name,
i decided to work. for him.
i don't mind dying under the hot sun or getting drench running in and out for the sake of my father and my family.
as long as i could put on a smile on each and everyone face in the family. i'm happy.
so ya, been working for the last 2-3 days to help my father.
at least there's a good deed i could do before ramadan leaves us.

talking bout ramadan.
i did say i can't wait for ramadan a month ago.
as i wanted a change.
well guess what.
nothing changes. instead in get worse.
what's happening to me.
doing a big sin during the holy month.
masyallah.
ckp je lebih. hais.
words without action are nothing.
ya allah, maafkan lah hambamu ini.
ouh and there is this one day at work.
i sat with the so-called alim2 nye uncles.
they talk about islam and stuffs.
this uncle say,
"orang ckp diri mereka muslim tapi mereka tidak mengamalkan islam.
dulu nabi kiter solat 250 kali sehari. nk keje pon tk boleh. asyik beribadah saje.
skrg ni, kiter hanya perlu buat 5 kali je sehari. itupon maseh tk dpt dijalankn."
bak kekata, siapa yg makan cili, dier yg terasa pedas.
i sat beside them and think. he's true.
and im one of those people.
omg.
:(

anyway, its been a very hard time for me and her.
for me especially.
i did nothing but you think and said i'm doing this doing that.
just b'cos we're far apart.
i was really sad each time you called and accused me of doing stuffs that i didn't do at ALL again and again.
you are away to malaysia. all i want was to hear ur voice and have a nice chat with you on the phone when you call. but this is what i get everytime.
i really miss you. each night after i get myself cleaned after work, i would switch on my lappy just to look at ur pic. i really wish you would be there with me.
i really miss you. ur hugs ur kiss ur smile. everything.
all i need is you to be right there with me.
and i would hold you tight hoping you'll never leave me again.
i didn't mean to scold or curse you. i was just mad. this feeling sucks.
all i want now is you to come back. and we'll sort things out in person.
i really want you to change. for me. please.
and i'm sorry for all my wrongdoings. i'm really sorry b.
i love you and i really miss you.
:(

ok. lets put this thing aside for the moment.
packed this in package. sealed it. keep them inside. and put on smile on the outside.
i shall be the only one having to bear this sadness and pain.
no one else shall have a taste of this sadness.
and in return i would smile and let everyone else taste the happiness.
especially since its aidilfitri.

and here i would like to wish everyone,
(my family, friends, relatives, buddies and especially you, Nur Shaffina)
selamat hari raya aidilfitri. maaf zahir dan batin.
salah silap ke, terkasar bahasa, basically all the sin i had done to you all,
harap dapat dimaafkan. i'm sorry inside out.
iloveyouall.
have a wonderful syawal.
tc.
:)

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